I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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