My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
