He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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