I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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