So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
