he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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