I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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