Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
