smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
where does the pee come out of this thing
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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