we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
