Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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