i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
