So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
