miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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