My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
