every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
