Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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