Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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