Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize