If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
