my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
now i know why i became what i already was.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
and you fell through a lawn chair
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
