just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
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