oh god the rape fog is back!
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
