I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
