you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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