theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
