HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
