Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
