Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
