no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
