It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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