i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
