I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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