I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
