I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
