I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
