It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
