yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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