Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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