I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
