he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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