Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
she was so not down for the gang bang
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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