WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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