my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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