I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
