Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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