Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
