I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
