Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
