theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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