I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
