i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize