I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
