His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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