When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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