I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
