I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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