Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
