she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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