I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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