Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You ate ashes out of my bong
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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