I think my vagina is haunted
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
