Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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