Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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