Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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