why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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