Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize