Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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