This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
