i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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