My hand turned me down
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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