Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
